She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
