Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
