I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
