I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
