and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want to fling myself into the sun
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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