We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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