If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
