I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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