They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
