did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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