I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
