Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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