It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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