Sry I called you an 8
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
