your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
