She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
