look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
