Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize