apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
