Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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