remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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