Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
