She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
