hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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