She said her name was "party"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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