You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
