I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
smell my finger.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize