he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
