**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
