you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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