The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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