Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
