Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
