The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
