i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
