You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
