I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
