After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
