who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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