I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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