I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize