I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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