I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pants are for mortals
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
