Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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