Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I FOUND THE LEGS
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
