Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
