some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
