I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
