Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
