im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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