He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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