just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
