I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
