Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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