i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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