The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
