come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
