Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
