Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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