while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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