If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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