HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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