So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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