Got a toothbrush?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize