After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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