I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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