The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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