Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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