did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My liver just broke up with me...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's like iHOP with fire
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
