remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
